May 2018 | Axel Neree | Tru Function

"Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk." --Doug Larson

“I know! I know it’s not what I should’ve done! I know! You don’t need to tell me that right now! JUST LISTEN!

That was what my girlfriend’s youngest brother was telling us as we were giving him feedback about a story he was telling us. He told us “I knew coming here you guys would be giving me some kind of advice about this and all, but I don’t really want that right now.”

His point was, he knew what he did was incorrect, he knew what he should’ve done, he knew why, he really didn’t need to hear it from us. He didn’t really need any advice or anything from us, he just wanted us to listen to him. He just wanted to share his perspective. Wanted to share how he got there.

Sometimes that’s all we need. Sometimes, we DO know the answers to our questions, we just want someone to hear us out. We don’t need them changing our minds or correcting our wrongs, we’ve done that work already, we just want someone to listen to us. That simple.

What if we simply listened? If we didn’t say anything & just listened?

  • Listening may be one of the most powerful, but underrated skills we have.

  • Listening is a skill. The better we listen, the better we’ll understand.

  • We understand, respond, communicate & effectively influence when we listen.

People will always share & reveal what they think or how they feel in some way or another.

You simply have to listen to be able to understand them. You’re not there to judge them, criticize them, or correct them. In that moment you simply have to listen.

Seek to understand, not to be understood.

You risk never being understood, if you never understand somebody. When in conversation, listen first. Work on understanding the person's perspective, work on understanding how they arrived to that perspective, why they feel the way they do about it and why they feel the way they do about the other perspective. Don't assume, ask & listen.

Only then, can you truly be in a place to grow. This is the key to growth in every and any relationship. You must be open to understanding someone. While listening, detach yourself from the subject, from the person. Listen from the outside-in.

This means you have to practice empathy, practice compassion. Simply put yourself in that person’s shoes and see their perspective.Don’t compare perspectives. Don’t analyze how different it is from yours; if that’s where you are, you are sure to not listen & understand the person.

Simply allow yourself to be taken into another world, another mind for that moment.

The hardest part may be to not speak.Simply listen. Be present in their words, in their stories, in their minds; be still enough to just listen.

Listen to what people are saying,by listening to what they’re asking you.

  • Often times they are asking you questions, thoughts or feeling simply to share with you HOW they feel, think or feel. So listen.

When people are in a funk and they come to you to complain, share their thoughts, feelings and vent. That’s all they want to do, vent. They don’t want to listen, they want to talk. They want to hear themselves talk, hear themselves think and they want you to do so with them. In these situations the best solution is to just listen. The best advice is to let them know you're listening to them.

Let them talk it out, while you listen.

Listening may be one of the highest forms & acts of respect.

JUST listen. Be present & listen.

  • Don’t listen to respond, listen to hear. Listen to understand. Be compassionate, empathize & listen.

  • When you give some one your presence, give them your full attention & listen to them.

Seek to understand, not to be understood.

Allow yourself to be taken into another world, another mind, another experience, another lesson for that moment by simply listening.

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